happy barfday to me!

unicorn_birthday arrah and the ferns – emo philips — my birthday song! yay

So I’m officially 25 years old today. That’s a quarter of a century if you’re keeping score. I feel an odd sense of achievement, like- Look at me Ma! I made it all the way to twenty-five! Growing up I could never imagine myself being older than fifteen, because that seemed so far away and time moved so slowly that I couldnt even fathom living into my twenties… then as I grew up I still couldnt imagine living past 25. i was so morbid and depressed I was convinced I was gonna bite the bullet in the style of James Dean or something equally as cool/tragic/romantic. the natural poet and dramatist in me wishes for something horrible like that- dying some horrible death, but really, i think the motivation and agenda behind that is the plain fact that we all want to be remembered, every one of us. We want to leave a legacy, some kind of palpable image or feeling that will stick around after we’ve moved on from this earth. Being twenty-five and having taken stock of my life so far I like to think I’ve already achieved something that will last. My music will live on past my time, hopefully inspiring new generations of songwriters and young women. My writing and academic works will be preserved in my university’s archive for future students. The beauty and love I’ve brought into the world will continue when I’m gone and it’s nice to feel that I’ve accomplished a lot, even though I’ve only been around for a relatively short time.

I’m excited to see what the next 25 years will bring, screw that- the next 25 minutes! I was joking with a friend today about how human beings are not static- our emotions, opinions and orientations gradually change and evolve, and if you’re me- they can do a 180 on daily basis. It’s true. I’m not ashamed to admit that what I want from life changes frequently. What I seek in friendship and relationships constantly changes. People want to stuff you in boxes and categories and pick apart all the characteristics that make up the composite of you. It’s hard to surrender our fears, judgments, preconceived notions and social paranoia sometimes to simply accept that you might not understand how or why a person is who they are, but they are just simply themselves, constantly a work in progress and constantly redefining how they see themselves and the world. It’s a interesting thought, and as an artist I try to see the world through the eyes of every person I meet. It’s the only really effective way to tell a story.

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